A common sentiment in Scientology is the idea that, "You pulled it in." What this statement, in all it's infinite simplicity, means is that everything that happens to you in your life is your fault. If you get sick, contract cancer, are born mentally challenged or are mentally ill it is said to be your fault.
Scientologists lack compassion for anyone who suffers in this life. Any suffering is automatically deemed to be the fault of the individual, regardless of circumstance. They believe that you made a choice when you were born, to which family you would be born and that the state of your body at birth depends entirely upon the deeds which you committed during your previous life.
The insidious nature of this idea doesn't rear it's ugly face until the first time that you get into trouble in Scientology: the first time you sneeze, or cough, or catch the flu. After so many times of being told that your condition is your fault you start learn how Scientologists really feel about the poor, the underprivileged, the hungry, the ill and the disabled. They blame children who are born mentally challenged or deformed for their condition.
This becomes even more insidious because of the idea of reincarnation within Scientology. Scientologists truly believe that someone with a sick or malformed body would be better off dying and being reborn in a fresh body. You often hear them talking about how their bodies become useless once they can no longer hold the cans of an e-meter.
There is a morbid side to Scientology which is often overlooked. In some cases it is glossed over, with only a brief reference to the idea of "pulled it in". Scientology is heavily focused on this thing called the "reactive mind", which is supposedly this subconscious mind that makes life difficult for you. When you are removed, temporarily or permanently from the influence of said mind it is called a "key out". When said mind starts influencing your actions heavily it is called "restimulation".
People with chronic illnesses or dementia or deformities are said to be "restimulated". Death is seen as a "key out" and can be a good thing. You see if you die, you are "keyed out" of your reactive mind and you come back with a fresh start in a healthy body. Assuming of course you have received Scientology's help before you died.
This dark side of Scientology removes human compassion. It serves to destroy empathy and creates a horrible shell of a human who no longer feels for the sufferings of his own kind but instead blames it on themselves. It is assumed that when something bad happens to anyone it is their fault for the crimes they have committed. Whether it be a car getting stolen, contracting cancer, being murdered, mentally ill or born with a deformity.
This is why I compare Scientology to Westboro Baptists and similar hate groups. They all suffer from the same form of dehumanizing programming. This is why child abuse and neglect is rampant in the Sea Org. This is why people can be so heartlessly disconnected from their families. This is why you will hear Scientologists, in private of course, talking about how some people are better off dead.
This is why I wanted to kill myself for a short period of time. I thought it might key me out. After all that is what my Scientology teaching taught me. The only reason I had not to kill myself was because I might be seen as a coward, for not wanting to face what I was going through. For a short time I toyed with the idea, but then I studied outside of my religion and started to get to know people who weren't Scientologists.
Around 19 years old I started to learn that Scientology wasn't the only way. I decided that one day I would find another way. I did this quietly, so quietly I almost tricked myself into thinking I hadn't even made the decision. But the decision had been made, no matter how deep in my mind it was buried.
There is no creativity in Scientology. There is no love. There is no compassion or caring. There is only Scientology and money. That is all that ever mattered when I was in there. There is no value put on human life. You are expected to work until you die and then come back and work some more; without thanks remuneration or praise.